Cheap Eats–The Tee Off Bar and Grill

The Tee Off is a cozy little neighborhood bar that cooks up some of the tastiest comfort food found in San Francisco. Think juicy 1/2 l.b. ground sirloin cheeseburgers, grilled double cut pork chops with apricot and achiote relish, and creamy four-cheese mac'n'cheese with pancetta. They also have a rotating list of specials that may include such offerings as Kobe beef hot dogs, spinach enchiladas, ostrich burgers, and wild mushroom risotto. Be warned, however, that all of this delicious goodness is served in a bar, and a very divey one at that.

The Tee Off is not the cleanest of establishments, the service is slow, and they let dogs have a free rein of the place. Some might find this dive bar atmosphere off-putting for a dining destination, but if you are prepared for it, it can also be a part of its charm.

This is not a place to bring the grandparents when they come to visit from Topeka. It is not the spot to choose if you are in a hurry. Don't bother coming in if you can't handle a canine staring lovingly at your meal. Instead this is the kind of place to spend a few hours drinking beer with your buddies, playing pool, going a few rounds on the ping-pong table out back, chatting with some of the hard-core regulars, and then topping it all off with the best meal you can find at a place with this kind of laid-back atmosphere.

The prices are on the high side for bar food, but what you get is also beyond what the majority of bars have to offer. $14 for a huge order of mac'n'cheese accompanied by a salad drizzled with an amazing homemade blueberry (or sometimes raspberry) vinaigrette, or $11 for a 1/2 l.b. cheeseburger with a generous helping of fries are not unreasonable prices to pay for a quality meal that will keep you full for the rest of the night. $20 for the pork chop is a different story budget-wise, but still a solid option if you feel like splurging.

The Tee Off is way out there, nestled in the perpetual fog of the Outer Richmond district. Do to its location it tends to draw a mainly neighborhood crowd, giving it a homey, if at times somewhat cliquish, vibe. This is a great place to get a feel for this often overlooked neighborhood, and see a side of San Francisco that cannot be found in guidebooks. So bring a friend, grab a beer, and get ready to experience the best dive bar food around.

The Tee Off Bar and Grill is located at 3129 Clement Street, between 32nd and 33rd Avenue. You can get more information on their website http://www.teeoffbarandgrill.com/.

You can find more SF cheap eats on my examiner page at http://www.examiner.com/sf-in-san-francisco/robyn-webster

The San Francisco Royal Family

The Royal Family

San Francisco is known for its colorful characters, but even amid our sea of oddballs and misfits a few unique individuals manage to stand out. If you have been in The City for any length of time you are sure to have run into the Brown Sisters, the 12 Galaxies Guy, Dog-Cat-Rat Man, or the Bushman. Maybe you've meet them all, I know I have.

The Brown sisters (photo by D.C. Atty via Flickr)

Harmon Leon has created a series of portraits that celebrate San Francisco's most famous eccentrics, of both past and present. You can learn more about these outrageous locals in his feature "The Royal Family" on The Bold Italic.

                                   Frank Chu aka 12 Galaxies Man (Photo by Jef Poskanzer via Flickr)                                                                         

Harmon has quite a thorough list of iconic SF eccentrics, but I wonder: What about the No Sex sign guy on Market and Powell?

No Sex Guy (Photo by Franco Folini via Flickr)


Are there any other people that were left off of Harmon's list?

Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern-San Francisco Episode

San Francisco certainly has a reputation for being different, but bizarre? Only if you find dumpster-diving, foie gras ice cream, or bugs for dinner bizarre. Around here we tend to think of these things as simply unusual, and not necessarily too weird to try.


Some of San Francisco's strangest eatables were featured on Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on March 1st. While this episode doesn't reflect the typical eating habits of most locals, it does give a nice overview of the creative, inventive, and yes maybe even a little bizarre, foodie subcultures that thrive in this unconventional city.


You can read Andrew Zimmern's blog entry on San Francisco here. Below is a short trailer showing Andrew's experience with SF's gourmet food trucks.

Try to catch a rerun of this episode if you missed it the first time. The variety of perspectives it offers does a good job of highlighting the diversity of San Franciscans, plus it might inspire you to try something new. Prosciutto ice cream......mmmmmm.

Let's Be Frank

(Photo by pengrin via Flickr)

Let's Be Frank dogs are not your typical Oscar Meyer weenies. Unlike most hot dogs, whose ingredients tend to be of questionable, if not downright frightening origins, Let's Be Frank dogs are made with premium cuts of meat from all natural, grass-fed, pasture-raised animals. This means that you can enjoy one, or more if you are really hungry, without worrying that you are filling your body full of nasty chemicals, hormones, or antibiotics. Plus they are nitrate free, making them safe to eat if you are pregnant and craving the forbidden goodness of salty, cured meats. 

Let's Be Frank dogs come in four delicious varieties: The Frank Dog (100% grass fed beef), The Brat Dog (family-farmed pork), The "Hot" Dog (spicy Italian pork sausage), and The Bird Dog (pasture-raised turkey). Each of these delightful dogs come nestled in a freshly-baked Acme bakery bun, and topped with grilled onions they create one of the tastiest meals you can eat with one hand. 

In addition to grilled onions and the typical hot dog condiments like relish, mustard, ketchup, and sauerkraut, Let's Be Frank offers a unique topping they refer to as Devil Sauce. This spicy, pickled concoction of peppers, garlic, ginger, and hand-toasted spices, reminiscent of Indian chutney, is an interesting and surprisingly yummy addition to any of their dogs. 

All of Let's Be Frank's dogs run $5.50, which may seem steep compared to a COSTCO weiner, but keep in mind that what you are getting for this price is actual FOOD, and not a tube of reject bits and fillers. 

Let's Be Frank has a stand at Crissy Field, one of the most beautiful and versatile outdoor recreational areas in San Francisco. There are few things better on a sunny day than to walk or bike down the approximately 1.5 mile promenade, taking in the sweeping views of the bridge and bay, and then refueling at the end with a nice, juicy hot dog.

The Let's Be Frank cart is located at Crissy Field near the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge on weekends and holidays from 11am-dusk. For more information visit their website at http://www.letsbefrankdogs.com/index.php


You can find more SF cheap eats on my examiner page at http://www.examiner.com/sf-in-san-francisco/robyn-webster

Home Sweet Home-The Richmond District

Why is the Inner Richmond one of the best neighborhoods to live in San Francisco? Because it is not the Mission, the Castro, or the Haight. Don’t get me wrong, these are all vibrant, interesting neighborhoods, but I’m sure you’ve heard the saying about not eating where you...well you know. 

What I’m trying to say is that the Mission, the Castro, and the Haight (as well as North Beach, SOMA, etc.) are all great places to visit but when it comes to choosing a place to live, do you really want to be surrounded by hoards of hipsters, tourists, or gutter-punks with pit bulls? Wouldn’t it be preferable to just visit these iconic SF neighborhoods when the mood strikes, and then go home when they inevitably become tiresome? And think about it, do you really want to deal with being spare-changed or having your picture snapped when you go for the morning paper, or venture out for that hangover-curing breakfast? Yeah, me neither.

The Inner Richmond has a reputation for being a mellow, community-oriented, family-friendly kind of place. While all of these descriptions are true, they only tell a part of the neighborhood’s story. The part that is left out is this area’s diversity, a mix of people and landscapes that make it hard for any one vibe to dominate. Yes it is true that many middle-class families call the district home, but so do college students, recent immigrants, trendy teenagers, old hippies, single techies, elderly couples and many, many others who defy easy categorization. 

Yes the Inner Richmond is peaceful, but it can also be exciting. Packed into a small square situated between Arguello Blvd. and Park Presidio, this hardworking neighborhood can morph from a calm green oasis into a bustling urban center in only a few short blocks. The neighborhood’s southern border is Golden Gate Park, a lush swath of greenery reportedly bigger than New York’s Central Park, and the perfect place for a picnic, a hike, or a visit to one of the two world class museums it houses: the DeYoung and the Academy of Sciences. The northern border of the neighborhood is only one block away from another park, which means that it is embraced on both sides by the calming presence of nature. This other park, named Mountain Lake, has a lovely pedestrian-only trail that curves around its namesake lake, a playground for the kiddies, and an off-lease dog run for the pups. 

Between the two parks lies both sleepy residential streets and busy shopping districts. Clement Street, also known as “the New Chinatown” or “Chinatown-lite” is a swarming buzz of bodies lured by the Asian groceries, spice shops, restaurants, and cheap housewares stores. Mixed in are several Irish pubs, an amazing independent bookstore, an art gallery that showcases local artists, a french restaurant that rivals any in the city, and several high-end boutiques down at the Arguello end. The dim sum on Clement beats anything you can get in tourist-laden Chinatown, and the array of Vietnamese, Japanese, Thai, Korean, Burmese, Malaysian, and Singaporean cuisines offers a more eclectic palate than can be found there as well. 

One block south from Clement is Geary St., the major artery that runs through this part of town and the place to catch the 38 Geary bus going either towards the beach or downtown. A variety of good eats can also be found on this street, as well as numerous coffee shops, a few gas stations, several convenience stores and produce markets, a medical marijuana dispensary, some laundromats and bars a plenty. Two blocks over on Balboa St. some additional amenities can be found, guaranteeing that the Inner Richmond resident never has to venture more than a few blocks for a bite to eat or a cold beer when the mood strikes.

Sounds almost perfect, right? Well like any other place the Inner Richmond does have its downsides, most notably the thick fog that reportedly blankets the neighborhood on a regular basis. Ask someone about the Richmond and the fog is probably the first thing to come up. More accurately it is the Outer Richmond and Sunset Districts that get the brunt of this the fog as it comes off the ocean, and often by the time this wave has reached Park Presidio it has thinned out considerably. But yes it can be foggy, although this is a small price to pay for all the other wonderful things that this neighborhood has to offer.

Cheap Eats-San Dong House

"Thump, thump, WHACK. Thump, thump, WHACK." Deliciousness has a sound, and you can experience it for yourself at the newly opened San Dong House located at 2nd Ave. and Geary St. The sound is the first thing you will notice upon entering this bare-bones Chinese restaurant, and comes from a guy in the kitchen preparing their already famous (at least in the Richmond District) hand-pulled noodles. 

If you have never had fresh noodles, hand-pulled to order, then you are in for a treat here. Dense and toothsome, the noodles at San Dong are worlds away from the dried variety, and even the fresh ones that are sold in packages. There is something about serving noodles minutes after pulling that takes them from "good" to "I can't get that meal out of my mind." You can't really go wrong with anything containing noodles at San Dong, and with 18 different types of noodle soups and stir-frys there are a lot of yummy options to choose from. 

In addition to anything noodle-related, another unique dish not to be missed is the beef roll which takes a naan-like piece of bread, slathers it in plum sauce, and rolls it up with cucumber and warm slices of beef. The dumplings, which they also sell frozen and in bulk, are best avoided as their preparation is uneven, arriving soggy on some occasions and overly dry on others. 

The service at San Dong tends to be slow and not very attentive, but this is a small price to pay for great food and enough of it to fill up even the most voracious of eaters for under $10.

San Dong House is located at 3741 Geary Street. For more information call (415) 668-5888.

Interested in eating well on the cheap? Check out my Cheap Eats Examiner page at www.examiner.com/sf-in-san-francisco/robyn-webster

Fun Places For Doggies and Their People

*and by lil 'uns I am referring to the the hairy, four-legged 

      creatures that outnumber children in The City.

San Franciscans love them some dogs, making San Francisco one of the most dog-friendly cities in the nation and possibly even the world. So where do the locals take their pooches for some quality outdoor romping? Below is a list of the best places around to get out and explore nature with your own little beast(s). 

Fun Places For Doggies and Their People:

(in order of awesomeness) 

1. Fort Funston-This has got to be one of the most beautiful public off-leash areas that exists anywhere. Epic views of the bay, ample room to run around, and beach access makes this the best doggie fun spot EVER!
2. Chrissy Field- Another great place for both humans and dogs, Chrissy Field boasts one of the best views of the Golden Gate, beach access, and a huge lawn perfect for long-distance frisbee. Also off-leash, but beware of bikes. More on Chrissy Field here. 
3. Ocean Beach-What dog doesn't love running in the sand, splashing in the waves, and sampling washed-up sea delicacies? Dogs are allowed off-leash from Kelly's Cove (which is the side of the beach nearest to The Cliff House restaurant) to about the Windmill across the street (there is a small sign marking the boundary on the beach as well). *Small dogs will not want to miss Saturdays at 10am when hordes of mini-beasts gather on the beach around Lincoln St. The sheer volume of these little buggers make them hard to miss, and on nice days it is not uncommon to see them number in the hundreds.

All of these places have robust parking situations, and can easily be located using MapQuest. If you don't happen to have wheels, don't worry. Muni allows one muzzled and leashed dog per bus to ride for a fare equal to the owner's (except during the weekday hours of 5-9AM and 3-7PM.) Muni directions can be found here.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Two Non-Boring Ways To Pass a Wet San Francisco Day:

1. Japantown Center-The Japan Town Center, located on Post between Buchanan and Webster, is a good place to wander around when it is wet outside. Here you will find dozens of cute little stores selling japanese items, as well as a sword shop, a bookstore with a huge collection of Manga, and a place where you can get your picture taken at an array of little photo-booths. There are also plenty of places to eat and most of them are good. On a cold and rainy day my favorite way to warm up is through consuming a steaming bowl of miso ramen topped with japanese mountain vegetables from Mifune, located in the area of the center called the Kintetsu Mall.

Attached to the Japantown Center at Fillmore and Geary Streets is the Kabuki Spa, which is also a great place to kill a few hours. Kabuki is not cheap at $25, but for this price you can enjoy their dry sauna, wet sauna, cold pool, and hot tub for as long as you like. They also offer tea, magazines, and lounge chairs which makes it easy to put in some serious hours. If it is still raining when you finish the Sundance Kabuki Cinema is just around the corner.

2. Exploratorium-This wild and wacky museum is not just for kids! (Although it is a good place to keep them entertained if you happen to have some). Located at 3601 Lyon at Jefferson in the Marina District this science extravaganza is the perfect place to head towards if your Crissy Field outing starts to get a bit wet. And no worries if it happens to turn ugly while you are in a different area. Directly outside the Exploratorium the parking is free and the spots are a-plenty

Unlike other museums that tend to have a look-but-don't-touch policy, the Exploratorium encourages its patrons to man-handle the exhibits. A few of the cool things you can do here: Stand in a giant bubble, suspend a ball on a stream of air, make a full body contact photo on a huge screen, and teach a computer to talk. For an extra $5 you can also visit the Tactile Dome, which is a pitch-black space that you must walk, crawl, and slide through relying only on your non-seeing senses. While not for the claustrophobic or faint of heart, making your way through the Tactile Dome is a completely unique sensation that must be experienced to be truly understood.

This place does draw a rather kid-heavy crowd so if the thought of sharing the fun with a bunch of rug rats sounds unappealing, check out the adults-only "Exploratorium After Dark" series on the first thursday of each month from 6-10pm. With special adult themed exhibitions and booze, it is worth the trip even in the nicest weather. You can find more info on the Exploratorium here.
  

I Live Here SF

I Live Here SF is a great blog that proposes to, "share the spirit and fascinating layers of this city through the words and faces of those who live here." This interesting and worthwhile project really does a fantastic job of capturing The City's spirit, and should not be missed by anyone curious about the people who call it home.

The most recent profile caught my attention because the subject Rose Marie is just soooo San Francisco. Check her out here.

Bottoms Up

What is there to do in San Francisco? Well have a drink, of course. According to the Daily Beast The City is the 3rd drunkest in America, out-ranked only by Milwaukee, WI and Fargo, ND.

So if you want to do as the locals do, park yourself at one of the numerous bars and -BOTTOMS UP!

Renegade Craft Fair

If etsy were a place it would look like the Renegade Craft Fair.

Why waste another afternoon at the mall riffling through generic crap when you could go to the Renegade Craft Fair?! The Renegade Craft Fair is the perfect place to find those last minute holiday gifts, or just pick up some unique, handmade goodies for yourself. And they are serving booze!

You can get more info on the Renegade Craft Fair here.

Spotlight: Crissy Field

Need a Kodak moment by the Golden Gate? With its rugged Northern California landscape, sweeping bay views, and easy beach access Crissy Field may be the best place in San Francisco to get a look at its most famous landmark. While most other viewpoint areas are nothing more than strategically placed parking lots, Crissy Field is a beautiful park, natural area and historic site that also happens to offer a great vantage point for bridge viewing.

Crissy Field was originally a salt marsh frequented by the local Ohlone people and later used as an airfield for the Presidio Army Base. After the base shut down this site was taken over by the Golden Gate National Recreation Area (GGNRA), which has restored much of it to its original condition. Today Crissy Field consists of a walkway surrounded by one of the city's best beaches on one side, and protected marshland and the namesake field on the other.

I like to enter Crissy Field via the parking lot by Marina Blvd. and walk the roughly 1.5 mile promenade to the West Bluff picnic area, where I relax and refuel. There are two options for food and drink here if you did not bring your own: The Warming Hut cafe and the Let's Be Frank hotdog cart. My money's been on Let's Be Frank after several anemic and overpriced sandwiches at the cafe. While I'm not a huge fan of hotdogs, Let's Be Frank's dogs are not your average Oscar Meyer weenies. Grass fed, organic, three choices of meat. You can't go wrong with one of these delicious calorie rolls after a nice 1.5 mile walk.

After being fortified with a Lets Be Frank frank the next logical step is to continue on the path, past the sign that reads "Not A Pedestrian Walkway" (ignore it), and down the short stretch of road that leads to Fort Point. Fort Point is directly underneath the Golden Gate and offers a unique perspective from which to take it its reddish-orange glory. A map of Crissy Field and Fort Point can be found here.

If walking is not your thing, bikes can be rented at the nearby Sports Basement. Bikes are allowed on the promenade but beware of pedestrians and especially their dogs! Dogs abound at Crissy Field and they are not required to be on leash so it is important to keep your eyes on the road, lest you run into someone's little precious.

Crissy Field offers an idyllic escape from the gritty urban environment without having to leave the city. This urban gem is easily accessible by car or Muni and should be visited by everyone*.

*Except those afraid of or allergic to dogs, people, hotdogs and/or bridges.

Muni Diaries Live

Muni Diaries Live

Derek Powazek shares the misery, mystery, and mayhem that is Muni as part of a series called Muni Diaries, held at the Make-Out Room last month. Don't miss his last story as this tale of teamwork and Muni redemption is sure to get you exited about a ride on the N-Judah.




Thanks Muni Diaries for the scoop.

Bay Area Slang Part 2

It always amuses me when people ask about my accent. Really? If we are on my home turf then it's you that has the accent buddy, not me. I guess I can't really blame these misguided souls for their confusion since the natives can sometimes be difficult to spot in a city where most of its inhabitants were born someplace else.

One good way to detect a native is to listen to the way they talk. Certain words, phrases, and even pronunciations (It's SanFrnSisco not San-Fran-sis-co as the iconic Herb Caen noted in his  local column) can be good indicators of a person's relationship to the Bay Area. Below is a list of common words that can help you identify the natives, and understanding what the heck we are talking about.

The Abridged Dictionary of Bay Area Slang

Bammer-bad or phony.  adj. "I  wanted to dress up for Halloween but all I had was that bammer Sarah Palin costume from 2008." n. "When she was good she was very very good, but when she was bad she was bammer."

Bank-to beat or physically injure. v. "In the third round the champion really began to bank on the challenger." "Yesterday on Muni I saw two women banking on each other over a seat."

Cap-to insult. n. "There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, than contempt: and an injury is much sooner forgotten than a cap." v. "Are you capping on me? I'm warning you, I'm not the kind of person you should be capping on."

Cuts-someplace far away. n. "I would visit her more often if she didn't live in the cuts." v. "I know a cutty place where we can get away."

Fade-put money in on something. v. "Do you want to fade on a pitcher of beer?" "Last night we all faded on a large pizza for dinner." 

Hella-very. adv. "The fog out in The Richmond was hella thick this morning. I could barely see ten feet in front of me." "That burrito was hella bammer so I ended up throwing most of it away."

Moded-embarrassed. v. "All she could tell him after witnessing his failed attempt to jump over the parking meter was, 'you're hella moded.'" "He felt moded that none of his friends came to see him preform at open mic night."

Mug-to give a dirty look to. n. "She was muggin that girl on the bus, that's why she got banked on." "Don't mug me when your the one that should feel moded."

Tight-cool. n. "He thinks that his new haircut is tight, but I think it looks bammer." adj. "Her parents own this tight spot out in the cuts and they said we could stay there over the summer."

Trippin-stressing or freaking out. v. "A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken while trippin." "I'm not trippin over what she said, I know she wasn't capping on me."

Muni Sunday Funday

Every Sunday from December 5-26th, 2010 Muni will be giving out all day transfers with the purchase of a regular $2 fare. So get out there and get your Muni on!

Lazer Ninja Cats

Check out this new mural painted on the Harding Theater at 616 Divisadero St. Yet another reason why San Francisco ROCKS!

Bay Area Slang Part 1

Muni For the Uninitiated

In response to the snark-fest of Muni Rules, which admittedly was less of a helpful guide than a way for me to blow off some steam, I want to offer those who have never experienced San Francisco public transportation a brief guide to utilizing this (often) fabulous resource.

Why pay $30 for a hop-on-hop-off tour bus ticket when you can take Muni for only $2 per ride? I can't think of a reason unless you enjoy canned commentary and feel that this is worth paying an inflated price for. Not only does Muni have stops at or near every major tourist destination, it also goes to places not on the tourist loop, offering those unfamiliar with The City a glimpse of real San Franciscans in their native habitat.

Stuck downtown but want to check out the Golden Gate Bridge? Yes it is sometimes easier to just hail a cab and let the driver figure it out, but where's the sense of adventure in that? If you have access to a computer or smartphone it is easy to get detailed directions to and from any destination in the Bay Area through 511.org. This handy website will show you which bus(s) to take and where to catch them,  estimate the journey's duration, and provide a map of the route. If you can't get on the internet there is always the transit maps posted at (supposedly) every bus shelter which, with their color-coded bus routes, are not too difficult to read (although they are obviously much easier if you know the layout of the city.)  Or you could just ask someone waiting for a bus to point you in the right direction.

What about a Muni Pass? The main reason to buy a Muni Pass is convenience. For those only spending a short while in town the SFMTA sells a 1, 3 or 7 day Muni Passport that allows unlimited rides for consecutive days at a cost of $13, $20, or $26. This means that you would have to take a lot of bus rides in order to save any money, and for the 1 day pass you would need to ride seven times just to break even. While this option is unlikely to be the most economical, there is something valuable about the convenience of not having to worry about whether you have $2 in order to ride (drivers will not make change). This convenience is mitigated, however, by the fact that these passes are only sold at a few select locations-11 South Van Ness at Market, Market and Powell St, Hyde and Beach, and at information booths at SFO. If you are not sure how often you will ride Muni, and are not situated near any of these locations, it is silly to go out of your way to buy one of these passes.

For those who plan to be in San Francisco a bit longer (or indefinitely), the Clipper Card is another alternative to paying a cash fare. Clipper, according to their website, is "...an all-in-one transit card that keeps track of any passes, discount tickets, ride books, and cash value that you load into it, while applying all applicable fees, discounts, and transfer rules." You can load these things up online, over the phone, or at one of their 238 machines or participating stores throughout the Bay Area. If you plan to ride Muni often, purchasing a monthly bus pass for your Clipper Card is a good idea. The two options for adults are the Muni "A" Pass that lets you take busses and Bart anywhere in the city for $70/month, or the "B" Pass for $60 which does not include Bart. This is worth it if you ride Muni often since it not only saves you a few bucks, it frees you from the annoyance of scrounging together bus fare on a regular basis. More info on the wheres, the whats and the wonders of Clipper can be found here.

What else can I tell you about Muni? Riding Muni is a great way to get out and see San Francisco and the folks who inhabit it. One of the (arguably) best things about riding Muni is that you never know who your fellow passengers will be or what they will be doing. I have ridden with people in costumes, various stages of undress, and/or pierced all over. I have heard speeches, witnessed acrobatics, and listened to a barber-shop quartet preform. John Waters is a known rider, if that gives you any idea of what you are in for. Since almost every San Franciscan rides Muni at one time or another, the bus often gives a good glimpse into the everyday life of the city. So sit back, or hold on, and enjoy the ride.

Muni Rules

Ah, Muni. There are so many things that I like about you. I like your cheap rides, and the way that I don't have to worry about a designated driver, or look for parking. I like how you go all over the city and how I rarely have to walk more than a few blocks to get to one of your stops.

But Muni, you also have some issues that make riding you very unpleasant at times. Yes I know that you are not to blame for all of your problems, so below I'm sharing a list of do's and don'ts that, if your rider's follow them, can make some of these unpleasant times a little more tolerable.

Do:
-Let the shovers go first, after all you don't need to be rude just because other people are.
-Know that the bus is going to move and hold on in preparation. Nobody likes to be next to a stranger wildly groping around for something to break their fall.
-Squeeze past that group congregating in the middle of the bus, since not only will this make room for other people but there are usually seats to be found back there as well.
-Carry your bag in front of your body if it is crowded. This not only lets you keep an eye on your belongings, it also makes you more aware of when you are slamming your stuff into the side of someone's head.
-Do avoid eye contact with deranged-looking persons, although its usually best to acknowledge them if they direct a question your way. This is because the only thing worse then having a conversation with a crazie is having them shout, "WHAT BITCH?! Oh you're too good for me," over and over again.
-Use headphones, because most of us think your music sucks.

Don't:
-Run for the bus unless you are sure that you can reach the door before the last passenger has boarded. The driver will see you, and he will purposely evade you just for the fun of it (this rule won't necessarily add to the Muni experience in general but it could save you some humiliation.)
-Push while boarding the bus. If you are in dire need of a seat due to advanced age or infirmary then just ask someone in the front to get up. If not then suck it up and stand like the rest of us.
-Sit in the front seats unless you are old or injured. See above.
-Get on and just stand in the middle of the aisle, other people want to get on the bus too!
-Stand in the steps by the door. Usually the bus can't move when this happens so if you can't fit anywhere else but in this spot, get on the next bus.
-Put your feet, wet umbrella, sunflower seed shells or anything else that is gross or lingering on the seats. They are called seats because people sit on them.
-Eat smelly food on the bus. Muni has enough funky smells without you adding a further layer of aroma.
-Yell "BACK DOOR" and pound on the windows at regular bus stops if you are on a Limited bus. Bus drivers don't care where you would like to be dropped off and yelling, while annoying to your fellow passengers, is guaranteed not to faze them at all.
-Reach over someone, subjecting them to a sweaty pit, a boob in the eye, or an elbow to the jaw in order to signal your stop. Most people are happy to pull the rope for you if asked.

Oh Muni, whatever happens you will always be a part of my life. So what if you are often late, or crowded, or smelly. You get me where I need to go and you do it with the lowest possible cost and the highest possible entertainment factor of any other mode of transportation available. For this I thank you and promise never to stray-unless of course someone offers me a ride.